Special

It would seem that no matter how much "training" or "experience" I have in any things, I am pretty sure I am not very good at it. It's humbling to see those who are better than you, but it is also humbling to realize that you aren't something special. For all you romantics who want to tell me, "of course you are special Gordon, everyone is special." I appreciate it, but thats silly. Only children like me growing up thinking that they are something very special. We have to use our imaginations just like any other kid, but we are often on our own with our imaginations... so when the scenario involves some kind of bad guy trying to take over the world, there is nobody around to do it, so we get to be the hero... we get to be special. We get to watch Power Rangers and imagine ourselves as their leader.... we get to watch Peter Pan and we get to be the other character that saves the day.... we get to watch Boy Meets World... and we get Tapanga in the end.

It's a daunting time in life when the only child finally realizes who exactly they are... they are just like everyone else... even LESS qualified than everyone else.... and they are NOT special. I don't say there is a MOMENT of realization, rather it happens over a period of time. It is always uncomfortable, and it is always depressing; realizing that you were never qualified to handle that sword of your imagination; you really didn't know martial arts; you never were that rock star; you don't really know what you are talking about.

This lament goes out to all the only children out there who are in the process of realization. Happy hunting to you! I encourage you to read the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible... It helps put things in perspective:

Meaningless, Meaningless, Meaningless Says the teacher... everything is meaningless... a chasing after the wind.

Stupid Difference

I think it is safe to say that there is a difference between being a Christian and being a Christ follower. It's stupid that there has to be that difference, but I feel like I see it everywhere. Lets look at an example shall we? Show me a moment in Jesus life where he had everyone meet in a big conference center (aka: church building) have a band play 2-3 songs or an organist play 2-3 hymns.... put on a robe and speak for NO MORE than 20 minutes while his followers took notes and the children played their PSPs and then made sure everyone was dismissed before lunch so nobody would get angry... This seems to be what it means to be a Christian these days!

The closest I SEE that Jesus ever came to this was sitting quietly in synagogue, waiting for his turn to speak, throwing down some messianic prophecy scripture, then saying: "That guy Isaiah is talking about... thats me..." and then dropping the mic and leaving (maybe the mic thing didnt happen....) His entire life was spent meeting at peoples houses, sitting on mountainsides and dropping life bombs on people about how to live and treat each other. He went into the cities and healed, preached, and forgave.

Jesus was a revolutionary, not an organization. He did not come to establish a church organization, he came to establish a kingdom lifestyle. His goal was not that you join the political party or pay your dues to your Jesus club, he asks you rather to give up your very LIFE to the revolution. Love your neighbor as yourself, Love God first and most! Live EVERY moment with that as your primary function, whether you are a laborer, manager, student, child, parent, teacher, husband, wife, republican, democrat...... Love God, Love others.

So while you may have to go to church to be a Christian, you don't have to go to "church" to be a follower of Christ. Rather, you get to BE the church... you get to live in a community of believers where it doesnt matter if the lyrics to the song didnt change fast enough on the screen, or whether or not the person handing out the bulletins hair isnt appropriate for holy week..... All that matters is Love God, Love Others. This is the message of Jesus.

wake up

I want to wake up kicking and screaming. To know that my blood is pumping through my veins. I wanna be a high endurance body wash that radiates freshness on an unsuspecting world of sloth. Of course things don't work out the way you plan... like you have control of how each cell reacts.... like a person can embrace the decline of the human condition and task themselves to fix it. I want to sit on a street corner and play guitar for the masses... watch their pity-filled faces flick quarters at me.... smiling with their faces, and hating with their eyes. I want to eat and drink the blood of a creator who longs for more than a religion club that meets in a potpourri filled building once a week. I want to open my eyes and see for the first time, the treasure in a bird at flight; a fly on the wall; a rat in a cage. Who am I to say what is beautiful and true. All I can do is my lot, my place, my song. I can shout my opinion from a stoop in downtown kalamazoo, but it only goes as far as my checking account. I could be something... I will be something... I mean, come on, the mere fact that I am typing now says I am SOMETHING (Thanks Decartes!) But I could be something else. I could change into a lion at any time! or a kitten... or a mongoose.... or a hungarian bird of pray.... who knows! Nevertheless, the something I am becoming or am or will be is perpetually in a state of utter transition. Until the day I can ring out the sludge of the sloth within, here I sit in front of my computer writing meaningless words into the datasphere. I want to wake up kicking and screaming...

Blog You!

I am not sure how many people out there read blogs... nor am I sure how many blogs are out there. I know I only catch myself reading a select few. Most are sports. One of them is my buddy Felix. He is a graphic designer and is doing a new design for each day of the year... so for all the math wizzes out there, thats 365 by December 31st... Thats pretty special. The other blogs I read are mostly sports. I don't subscribe to any. I suppose I don't really care what people have to say about things. I blogged once before and nobody really cared what I had to say about things either so there is no hard feelings. There are some people who's blog people crave daily! They hang on every unedited word... every unreferenced "fact".... the swallow it like it's heroin.... if heroin were swallowed. Needless to say, I fully expect my blog to remain subscriptionless until the internet melts because of Y2K11 and all that emerges from the smoldering heap is my lame text.

The internet now give everyone the ability to announce their thoughts... make it easily accessible.... and become a celebrity just for being lazy and sitting in front of a computer. Pretty soon there will be a blog major at the local community college. Then people can go to university with a major in economics, and minor in blogology. You can take a blog history course and study the tradition in an academic setting.... ah the great bloggers of old. You will get your masters in blog and, just like a music degree, you will come out with a skill that everyone expects you to do for free! You will go to law school and study blog justice and criminal blog and spend your days scanning the dot-coms for.... well heck I am sure you can find slander, lies, and even extortion on almost ANY blog site.... heck even I am probably slandering the creater of the word blog!

But hey it sure is fun. To expound on the inner expressionist tendencies that dwell dormant inside the freudian Ego... Maybe my blog will save the world! Maybe my inner demons will jump out of the screen on to your keyboard and dance the funky chicken... or maybe the fact that I have a blog shows that I crave attention enough to seek it from the bored online community. Maybe I can put a facebook ad on my myspace and twitter about my blog on g-chat.... I dont think that made any real sense... but who cares.... it's a blog! It doesnt have to be true!

How many blogs are there? I'm not sure... but now there is one more...